SOLDIER: The Early Days
by MightyAuron
Summary: My first fan fiction. If you want to know what happened before Crisis Core, this is the story for you. Chapter 11 is now up: Why do Shinra need the Black Market? Why is bargaining so hard? Why can no one remember Kunsel? Who?
1. Chapter 1: Initiation

**Hello, this is my first fan fiction so I hope you enjoy it. It is a comedy what-if story about what went on in SOLDIER before Crisis Core. I would like to give thanks to Ambitus of Umbra for helping me to publish this and SageQuill for their stories that inspired me to write this. Do check out their stories, they are great.**

Chapter 1: Initiation.

"So, what is your name?" the silver haired general asked the new recruit. "Zack, Zack Fair!" the new SOLDIER replied back.

"Well," said Director Lazard, obviously impressed to have another SOLDIER in the building, "this is Zack, the new SOLDIER in our building, so I want one of you to look after." Immediately Sephiroth declined, saying something along the lines of hating most of humanity and newbies. Genesis said nothing, instead continued to read LOVELESS, like he did, every day. So, it was left to Angeal, to train the new SOLDIER, mould him into his own image, and most of important….

"Ow!" It all happened at once. First, Genesis was reading LOVELESS, in a world of his own, the next minute, Zack runs into him screaming something about 'the taser of death'.

_The next day_

"Alright Zack," said Angeal, trying to put on as much of a tough guy act that he could, "Today we are going to learn weapon basics. Since about a year ago, we are not aloud to give sharp weapons to new SOLDIERs. The president made that very clear, what with the incident and all. This is a weapon, Zack," he said, as he passed the sword to the newbie. "This is blunt, so do worry about injuring anyone."

"Question mister,"

"Yes Zack"

"Can you teach me to be as strong as Sephiroth?"

"No"

"Why?"

"Because, you can't even use a weapon, let alone jump skyscrapers and slice faster than the eye can see."

"Please!"

"Listen Zack, if you can use this fire materia, then I'll teach you all that I know."

Never has a mistake ever so bad been made in human history. Half of the entire floor was put ablaze and there were many civilians injured and killed.

"What the hell happened?" asked Director Lazard, as he began to fan the fire from his new suit.

"The new recruit." said Angeal.

"Where is Genesis" asked Sephiroth, the silver haired general, who had just got out of the building.

The three simply looked as Genesis was carried away in a stretcher, still sitting up, reading LOVELESS in the exact same pose he had been in all day.

"So mister, how did I do?" asked Zack.

**So what do you think. If you like it, I'll put up another chapter. Come on, comment, please!**


	2. Chapter 2: Dreams and Honour

**Thanks to popular demand the story is back, very close to the original chapter. Do enjoy it, please!**

Chapter 2: Dreams and Honour.

"Well Zack, after yesterday I'm not allowed to give you materia until you read the instruction manual" Angeal said, walking up and down the floor like someone waiting to hear the news of a relative in hospital.

"Instruction manual?" asked Zack, "How come I've never heard of one."

"There's a good reason for that. Do you know how boring it is to advertise that SOLDIERs have to read instruction manuals to do all of the cool stuff you see them do. In fact, if you asked Sephiroth any question, he will quote what book, chapter, page, paragraph and line."

" Really!" said Zack, with his eyes wide open, as if someone had just stood on his toe.

"Sephiroth, what are the materia safety rules?"

"Book 3, Chapter 19-20, pages 152-172, every paragraph and line." he replied back with no effort at all, pushing his hair back as he did so.

"Boring!"

"Zack, concentrate." Angeal told him, as he picked up a tablespoon and used it as a small weapon to hit the new SOLDIER.

"Ow!"

"Zack, don't insult Sephiroth, the fan girls and mainly the fan boys will get you, they will get you!"

"Mister, how do you know?"

"Lets just say, Genesis wasn't always so quiet."

_The next day:_

"Okay Zack, today we are doing push-ups. Ok, do 50 now to warm up."

_Five minutes later._

"Three, four!" said Zack, struggling with the simple exercise.

"Zack, one push-up is the up and down motion, not just one motion."

"Damn!"

_Later the same day_

"Ok Zack, today we will learn how to use magic **properly**." said Genesis, who still remembered what happened 2 days ago. Palmer is still to afraid to go near the 'coffee machine of fire'.

"Where is that other person?"

"If you mean Angeal, he is training for the special event."

"Special Event?" asked Zack.

"Yes."

"Why aren't you training?"

"Because we need somebody to train you."

"Oh, ok."

"First, use this Blizzard Materia to freeze the wall, that will be enough for today." Genesis just hoped he wouldn't screw this one up.

_2 seconds later._

"Zack, you bumbling dope, you froze the damn door shut!"

"Don't worry, just use a different Materia to thaw it out."

"Zack, I don't have any Materia right now."

"Why?"

"I didn't want you to cost the company 10,000,000 gil!"

"So, I'm a good SOLDIER, I managed to trap a 1st Class in a room!"

"Not while I'm alive you are not" said Sephiroth who broke the door down.

"Thanks Sephiroth, I guess." said Genesis who got out of the door as soon as possible.

"Wait for me guys!" said Zack running towards the door.

"Zack, now you fight the worst enemy pair known to man, the lock and door." said Sephiroth locking the door.

"Funny Mr Sephiroth, can you let me out?" said Zack kicking at the door. "Please!"

**That's the end of the chapter. If you like it, I'll put more up. I also take suggestions for jokes/stories.**


	3. Chapter 3 Why life can go horribly wrong

**Well, back do to popular demand, chapter 3 is here! This chapter directly links into the next so this is sort of a short chapter. Hope you enjoy it. By the way, the year this fan fiction is set in is 1998.**

Chapter 3: Why life can go horribly wrong.

It was 11:27 at night, and Genesis was enjoying LOVELESS like he did every night, and every day, when suddenly."It the end of the world, save yourselves!" shouted the new SOLDIER, running down the hall wearing only boxers and a vest.

"Sephiroth, what's with the new SOLDIER?"

"Do you know that film 2012?"

"That apocalypse film?"

"Yeah, well I managed to change the title from 2012 to 1998."

"Oh."

"What's with the new SOLDIER?" asked Angeal who had just walked into the room.""Angeal!" said Sephiroth who was getting a bit annoyed, "If you actually give a damn, read 5 lines back.

"Ok, just give me a minute." said Angeal, who was confused how fan fiction characters knew that existed in the story.

_A month later._

"Mister?"

"Zack, call me Angeal"

"Yeah, why are you training me?" asked Zack.

"We need a new SOLDIER for the annual SOLDIER vs. Turks picnic." said Angeal, yet again walking up and down the room trying to look professional as usual.

_2 weeks later._

"20, 21!"

"Finally Zack, you can do push-ups properly."

"Thanks Angeal." said Zack, who was out of breath at this stage.

_Meanwhile._

"Genesis aren't you supposed to be training for the picnic?" said Sephiroth who was trying to defeat the experiment that was based on his strength form yesterday.

"I am," said Genesis, "I'm competing in the LOVELESS knowledge contest. I win ever year." he said, as he flicked to the next page

The SOLDIERs trained for the day were they would be up against their worst enemy, The Department of Administrative Research aka 'The Turks.

_Palmer walked towards his greatest enemy. Locking the door behind him, he crept up on it so he wouldn't be noticed. When he got with a few feet of it, the machine fixed its ice glare on him, then uttered the words, _

"_Hello sir, what type of coffee would you like today."_

_Palmer felt uneasy, shuffling his feet together he replied._

"_The regular, with extra sugar."_

"_I'm sorry sir, we don't have any sugar." _

_"Oh, we just put more cream into it."_

"_I'm sorry sir, we don't have any coffee."_

_The coffee machine then spontaneously combusted._

**That's that chapter done. Well, tell me what you thought. Yes, we just had to bring Palmer back into the story. Read and comment. Live long and prosper.**


	4. Chapter 4: Picnics are dangerous places

**Chapter 4 is the new chapter! Sorry for the delay, I was on holidays. Wow! Anyway, this is a long chapter, but its worth it for the jokes. Unfortunately some of the jokes in this chapter are not suitable for younger viewers, so now the fan-fiction is for Teens! So if you are not allowed to read teen fan-fictions please leave the computer now, 'leaves computer.'**

Chapter 4: Why picnics are dangerous places.

After many days of training the big day had finally arrived.

"The SOLDIER vs. Turk annual picnic has now begun." shouted the announcer, who will remain nameless for the rest of the story.

"Annual?" asked Reno, one of the Turks.

"Picnic?" asked Zack, who is Zack.

"There will be four contests. First is the intimidation contest, second is the LOVELESS knowledge contest, third is the hand-to-hand fight and last is the talent competition.

The people that are competing are as follows.

Round 1: Zack vs. Reno.

Round 2: Genesis vs. Cissnei

Round 3: Angeal vs. Rude.

Round 4: Sephiroth vs. Tseng

Round 1: Zack stood up on-stage against an opponent that looked strangely familiar to him.

"The intimidation contest new begins" shouted the announcer.

Taking out his sword, Zack lunged towards Reno screaming. As he got within a couple of feet, Reno took out his electro magnetic rod. Zack suddenly stopped in his tracks with his eyes opened wide.

"Taser of death!" shouted Zack running off the stage.

"Get back here yo!" shouted Reno. "Wait, does that mean I win?"

"The winner of Round 1, Reno, of 'the Turks'." shouted the announcer.

"Why is he so afraid of your taser?" asked Angeal.

"Ah yes, I remember it like it was three chapters ago" said Reno.

_When Zack came in on the first day, Lazard was trying to pick which SOLDIER to look after him. Zack got bored so he went out the door. Going down the dark corridor, he saw a door with the room 'Kitchen' written in bold red letters. He opened the door and saw a cupboard with the door slightly opened. He opened it and saw a tub of biscuits. He began to eat them all until when he was eating the last one, he heard a voice shouting,_

"_Yo, those are my biscuits!"_

_Reno had walked in and saw the new SOLDIER eating the biscuits that he saved for watching Tseng trying to explain to Veld why there hasn't been a film based on 'the Turks' yet. He was so annoyed he garbed his weapon, turn it on and prodded Zack in a pressure point._

"_Ahhh!" shouted Zack running out of the room in pain with Reno chasing after him. Zack ran right back into the room screaming. Reno had stopped chasing him to go to the shop._

"And that's my story yo." said Reno.

Round 2: "The LOVELESS knowledge contest will now begin. Ok Cissnei, can you quote the poem?""Is that all I have to do?" asked Cissnei, surprised.

"Yes. Can you do it?

"No." she replied.

"Well, since Genesis obviously knows the poem, he wins. Genesis, because you have won it three years in a row, you get an additional price. A red wagon!"

Round 3: Angeal place his hands in front of his face. Rude however kept his hands at his sides.

"Well, aren't you going to get into stance?" asked Angeal, who felt as if he was being mocked. Rude did not reply and Angeal ran at him. Angeal went for a jab to Rude's face, but Rude avoided it by stepping to the side and punched Angeal in the side. Angeal screamed out in pain as he use his right leg to trip Rude to the ground. Rude stopped himself, and as Angeal tried to kick Rude but Rude kicked him in his left leg. Angeal fell over clutching his leg. Rude then kicked him in the stomach. Angeal then gave up, coughing up blood as he did.

Round 4: Tseng pulled his gun out and with several quick movements fired into a nearby wall. Everyone turned around to see that he had shot his name into the wall.

"Beat that!" said Tseng.

Sephiroth took out his sword and sliced Tseng.

"Ha, that didn't hurt." said Tseng.

Everyone looked at Tseng's suit. Sephiroth had scraped his name into Tseng's shirt, and it was very neat as well.

"Sephiroth wins that one." said the announcer.

"And now to present this trophy to the winning team, wait where did the trophy go!" There was silence in the room as everyone was looking to see where the trophy was.

"Hey, that Wutain girl has it!" shouted nameless guest number 1. Everyone in the room looked over to see a little girl, about 6, running off with the trophy.

"After her!" shouted Veld and Lazard as they began to run at the young girl.

_Meanwhile_

Cloud had finally decided that today would be the day that he would join SOLDIER and fulfil his dream. All he had to do was cross the road-

"My shiny." shouted Yuffie, the Wutain girl running on the road.

"Wonder what that was all abo-."

"Get her!" shouted Veld and Lazard as they ran after her.

"I want that trophy!" shouted Zack running by. He then stopped, turned to Cloud, walked over to him.

"Hey stranger, I'm in SOLDIER."

"Ok…" said Cloud, who found it weird that someone who was running down the street would talk to him for no reason.

"Do you want my autograph?"

"Get going Zack!" shouted Angeal, grabbing the new SOLDIER by the ear and dragging him along the ground.

"Get that trophy!" shouted Sephiroth, dragging along Genesis in his new red wagon. Genesis was sitting in the wagon, reading LOVELESS, like he was reading, all day except for the LOVELESS competition, which he wins every year.

"Get that wagon yo, I mean the trophy!" shouted Reno, as him and 'The Turks' ran after Sephiroth. Reno was aiming for the red wagon, if he couldn't have a nice red wagon, nobody will!

After a few seconds of standing there in confusion, Cloud turned around and shouted "Wait, was that Sephiroth!"

**Well if you want to see who gets the trophy you will have to wait for a week because I'm going on holiday! Well I hoped you enjoyed that chapter. If you liked that please write a comment. As Zack would say, "Wait, why are you going?"**


	5. Chapter 5: Cliffs are handy, and steep

**Chapter 5 is now up. Now you all get to find out who won the trophy. It's the best conclusion since Dragon Ball Z ended all those years ago. Speaking of Dragon Ball Z, I'm making a new Dragon Ball Z fan fiction in case you want to read it. Unlike this, its much more serious and will focus on the afterlife of Bardock. Now, I bet you are dying to know, and so am I, so continue reading. . .**

Chapter 5: Cliffs are handy, and steep.

The chase from last chapter is still going on, with neither side having any luck.

"Genesis, I know you could get the trophy if you wanted to." said Sephiroth struggling to pull him along at this stage. Genesis did not reply.

"Genesis, if you get that trophy for SOLDIER I'll get you a seat for your new red wagon!" Hearing this Genesis stood up, got out of the wagon and ran. In 5 seconds, he outrun everyone until he caught up with Yuffie. They only stopped when they had just reached a cliff.

"If I can't have the shiny, no one will!" shouted Yuffie, as she threw it off the cliff."

"The trophy!" shouted Lazard and Veld. Genesis jumped down the cliff to grab the trophy. Holding the trophy in one hand he took out his sword and stabbed it into the cliff to slow his descent. When he came to a complete halt, he quickly took his sword and kicking off of the cliff got up to the top.

"Genesis, you're amazing!" said Lazard remembering the reason he hired the SOLDIER. "Why don't you do these things all the time."

"Because that's why we have Sephiroth."

"Damn you Lazard, us Turks will win next year, if it's the last thing we do!" said Veld narrowly avoiding falling off the cliff.

"Well, that was a great win!" said Lazard, who couldn't stop smiling after the result. "To reward all of you for your commitment to the picnic, we are going to have a party. You get to dress as your favourite person!"

On hearing this, Sephiroth looked worried, Zack was excited, Angeal was calm and Genesis was reading LOVELESS.

"But, I am my own favourite person"! shouted Sephiroth.

_Later that night, at the party._

Zack and Angeal were the first two to arrive. Zack was having trouble with his long hair and Angeal was having trouble wearing so much red. Sephiroth than arrived, wearing a SOLDIER 3rd Class uniform which obviously didn't fit. Genesis was the last to arrive because he was with Lazard getting a seat installed into the wagon he won. Genesis was having trouble with carrying such a big sword on his back.

**I bet you can all guess who has dressed up as who. The hint is, they are all dressed up as each other. This next part might get confusing because when I write a character names, I will right the actual character, not who they are dressed as.**

"Hey Sephiroth" shouted Angeal, who noticed how small the uniform was on him. "Why not get a bigger suit?"

"Well Angeal, the only one I could get was the one I got out of Zack's wardrobe, don't worry, I washed it first. Oh wait, there's punch." said Sephiroth, walking off toward the punch.

"Hey Zack!" shouted Angeal over to the new SOLDIER, "do you like my wig?"

"What wig?"

"The wig I'm wearing!" shouted Angeal, getting annoyed. "Zack, I don't normally have chestnut coloured hair!"

"You know, now that you mention it I see it." said Zack, who just realized that it was Angeal talking to him.

Angeal stormed off annoyed. Zack saw Genesis sitting in a chair talking to Lazard, although it was more Lazard talking and Genesis nodding his head.

"Hey Genesis!" shouted the new SOLDIER running across the room trying not to destroy anything. "Genesis, why do you look so pale."

Genesis looked and him and replied" I haven't read LOVELESS in an hour, and I'm forgetting it!"

"I have an idea, just keep saying it under your breath."

"Thanks Zack."

RIPPPPPP!

"Damn Zack and his lack of muscle and size!"

Sephiroth uniform ripped from the back of his next to just over his belt. Out of nowhere, the fan-girls attacked, bursting out of nearly all of the furniture.

**Yeah, I bet none of you were expecting fan-girls to attack. In fact, I just thought of something funny because the chapter was getting a bit slow.**

"Zack do you have your weapon with you?" asked Angeal

"No."

"What about you Sephiroth?"

"No."

Sephiroth grabbed the weapon Genesis had on his back and went to attack on of the fan-girls. As soon as the weapon hit her it shattered.

"Genesis, what was that weapon made of?"

"Sticks off of ice-creams."

"How is that possible?" asked Sephiroth as the fan-girls all jumped and top of him.

"Good job I trained to use hand-to-hand combat." said Angeal putting his hands up. One of the fan-girls snuck behind him, and tied his hands and feet together.

"Hey Genesis, its just you and me!" shouted Zack with confidence, until he saw Genesis being drawn out of the room by a fan girl holding a copy of LOVELESS. The fan-girls then looked at Zack, but they didn't try to grab him.

"Zack, what just happened!" asked Lazard running across the room wondering where were his SOLDIERs, and more importantly, why was the furniture destroyed.

"The fan-girls got them!"

"Hey Lazard!" shouted President Shinra.

"Yes sir!" shouted Lazard standing up straight.

"You're paying for this mess."

"No!"

**That's this Chapter finished. By the way, keep an eye out for my new fan fiction coming out soon. If you have an idea for a small part of the story either put a message on my account or put it in a review. Thanks for reading.**


	6. Chapter 6: Doors, the enemy to many

**I'm back! After that long summer holiday I'm back in the humour for these chapters. They will be about once a wee around Wednesday or Thursday.**

Chapter 6: Doors, the enemy to many.

"Alright Zack, do you know what we are doing?" asked Lazard as they were walking down the street.

"Yeah, we're getting pizza."

"No Zack, think!" shouted Lazard, getting annoyed with the SOLDIER at this stage.

"We are, getting, pizza?"

"Dammit Zack we are finding Angeal, Genesis and Sephiroth!"

"Oh."

"Zack, how does Angeal put up with you?"

"He drinks a lot."

"Ok Zack, the best way to get fan-girls to come is to get this shoulder pad that Sephiroth owns and hold it out." He took the shoulder pad out of his pocket and held it in the street. After 10 minutes, there was no sign of them.

"Lazard, what are we waiting for?"

"Dammit Zack, we are waiting for…"

Before Lazard could continue the sentence both him and Zack were hit over the head with a frying pan. As they came to, they found themselves in a small cell with Angeal in what appeared to be someone's basement. Across from them was Genesis reading LOVELESS and Sephiroth who was tied to a table.

"Angeal, what happened?" asked Zack rubbing the enormous lump that he found on the top of his head.

"Well at that party the fan-girls burst out of their disguises and took us captive. We didn't even have time to change out of our costumes. Genesis is alright being here but Sephiroth won't shut up."

"What can we do Angeal?" asked Lazard who was getting nervous that he was becoming a main character.

"Well, I do hace one idea but we need to rely on Zack."

"We are screwed."

"Alright Zack, your first test it to break down that door, understood?" said Angeal, now placing his fate in the SOLDIER most likely to get lost in a cardboard box.

"Don't worry Angeal, it will be easy. How will I do it?"

"You need to run at it full-force and break it down. Can you do that?"

"Yeah, and then I'll be a hero!"

Angeal and Lazard stared blankly at each other while Sephiroth couldn't stop laughing.

"Yes Zack, you will be a hero." said Angeal deciding to go along with this.

Zack mustered up his strength and ran straight towards the door. Just before reaching it he jumped and rammed himself full force into it. The door didn't budge and Zack lay on the floor in pain,

"My shoulder, I dislocated my shoulder!" he shouted while rolling on the ground.

"What could be worse for the new SOLDIER, first he can't open a door and now he's injured, again." said Lazard

"Or the fact that that door isn't locked" Angeal replied back

"Or the fact that the door…. Wait what?" Lazard turned towards Angeal in surprise. Calmly, Angeal went over to the door.

"Yeah, look." Angeal pushed the door and it opened easily.

"But, why couldn't Zack open it if he went full force?"

"I, don't, know?"

Angeal and Lazard exchanged looks of confusion as Angeal grabbed Zack and went over to Sephiroth who was tied to a table.

"Dammit Angeal get my untied before those fan-girls come back with the lipstick!" shouted Sephiroth.

"Why would fan-girls put lipstick on you?" asked Angeal.

"Because he's worth it." shouted Genesis from across the room.

"I get it!" said Zack after the half minute pause.

"Shut up Zack!" shouted Sephiroth as Angeal untied the rope around his arms and legs.

"Angeal, I hear them coming." said Zack.

"Don't worry Zack, Genesis will distract them. Right Genesis?" asked Angeal looking over to Genesis. Genesis did not reply, so the rest of them ran out the door and went down the hall.

**Lazard, Zack, Angeal and Sephiroth escaped the building and made it back to Shinra headquarters. Everything went back to normal. Well, when I say everything.**

"No, Sephiroth got away!" shouted one of the fan-girls.

"Well, at least we still have Genesis."

On hearing this, Genesis stood up, used magic on the wall of his cell to make a hole, and walked out.

"Dammit!"

**Well, I was doing this late at night but I think it came out well. If you have any comments, then leave a message and I will respond as soon as possible. See you next chapter.**


	7. Chapter 7: Plans never work out

**Well, I'm really bad at doing one of these once a week. So, just be happy that this is out when it is. This is my main fan-fiction and I have planned for it to go to 15 chapters. I may change my mind, enjoy this chapter. Hopefully, this will at least make you laugh.**

Chapter 7: Plans never work out.

Today was going to be a normal day in Shinra, or at least, that was what Angeal thought. He was busy looking up how many fan-girls he had on the internet. Sephiroth had reached his happy space and everything looked calm until Zack broke the door open with his foot and shouted

"I broke the television!"

Angeal literally had to hold Sephiroth back to stop him attack the young SOLDIER who was hiding behind the door that he also broke. During this entire fiasco , Genesis was sitting in his red wagon, which now had a seat installed, reading LOVELESS. Lazard ran by the room, looked into it, and walked in calmly. When all of the SOLDIERs saw Lazard, they stopped.

"Sorry to interrupt your little game, but PRESIDENT SHINRA HAS CALLED A MEETING!" said Lazard as calmly as possible.

All of the SOLDIERs suddenly turned pale and ran as fast as they could.

At the meeting, Zack turned to Angeal and asked

"Why did we run so fast to get here?"

"Zack, the last person to spill some coffee on the President's tie was thrown off the 66th Floor, imagine what he would do if you didn't listen to him speak."

Zack swallows nervously on hearing this. The room turned dark and an enormous flashlight turned on as President Shinra walked out to deliver what he believed to be the most important thing of the century (It has been a slow century in this world)

"Alright, listen up. I think I have found the way to stop our energy problems forever!"

With this, the attention in the room suddenly grew, although Genesis couldn't give a damn as all he could think about was his wagon and LOVELESS. The President cleared his throat and continued.

"This might be hard for some of you to comprehend." said the President thanking the vocabulary calendar Tseng sent him which he was going to burn. "We are in, a fan-fiction!"

The room was surprisingly quiet after this statement. The President then asked the important question "Why is no one surprised?"

Sephiroth decided to be the one to tell the President the obvious.

"Sir, with all due respects, we all know that."

"Since when?"

"4 Chapters ago."

The President was surprised by this. He couldn't speak for about 30 seconds out of shock. Finally pulling himself together, he continued.

"So staff, do you want to still here my idea?"

They agreed, well, they had no choice but to, so the President continued. "We kidnap the author and make him create as much mako as needed!"

Everyone one in the room agreed and wanted to know how this was to be done. The President told them the final part of the plan.

"All we have to do is create a rip in the fabric of the universe and drag him here."

Genesis stood up this time, trying to keep himself from killing somebody and going back to his room. "Sir, how do we rip a hole in the universe?"

"Good question Genesis, all we have to do is to get Sephiroth to take off his shirt in front of a window."

"What!" asked Sephiroth, still afraid of windows from the incident last chapter.

"That's an order Sephiroth, or do I need to remind you that I control the news? If fan-girls were to know that security in the Shinra building suddenly dropped, what do you think would happen?"

Reluctantly, Sephiroth walked over to the window and took off his shirt. There was a high screeching voice and an enormous hole burst straight through the wall in the meeting room and in the room in my house.

"What was that?" asked Angeal, the self-proclaimed 'sane' person of the group.

"Fan-girls, Angeal, fan-girls." replied the President.

Not wanting to put off this opportunity, the President put both of his arms in the air and shouted "Look at my power now!"

The President put his hand in the rift and dragged the author **(That's me) **out of it. As soon as he was pulled through The Turks, and for some strange reason. Zack, tied up the author and took him to the interrogation room **(The closet.)**

The President locked the room. Sephiroth, Zack, Genesis and Angeal stood around the author in a circle. As the President finished tying him to a chair, he asked the first question.

"How do you control what goes on in this world?" the President asked, razing an eyebrow.

"Well you see, using a thing called a keyboard, I type in the words which are your thoughts. Except in the case of Zack, not much typing there."

"I find that offensive!"

"Shut up Zack." said Sephiroth, getting annoyed, "Nobody cares!"

President Shinra ignored the argument in the background and continued with his ultimate plan which took him 2 years to form.

"Where were you on the night of the 29th October!" the President shouted, grabbing the author by the scruff of the neck.

Angeal leaned over, and whispered into his ear."Answer him, before he kills us all.""But it's the 26th!"

The President decided his 'joke' was over and continued onto the real issue.

"Can you summon what ever you want to?"

"Well, yes. How do you think I made that hole in the wall?"

"Yes, that was amazing." said President Shinra, barely paying attention to what actually happened.

"And now, if you excuse me, I'll be taking my leave."

Using his author powers **(If you are an author, you have these too. Just a reminder) **he broke the rope that was tied around him and walked out the hole in the wall.

"Quick, one of you go stop him!" shouted the President, annoyed to have let his 'genius' plan fail. None of the SOLDIERs there volunteered until

"Genesis, I'll get a cup-holder for your wagon is you get that author back in one piece." said the now desperate President. Genesis shot out the same hole the author used and began to catch up. The author was in sight of the hole that led back to his dimension when

"Get back here!" shouted Genesis who had almost caught up to him.

"Genesis, I'll give your wagon an engine if you slow down."

Genesis slowed down but was still faster then the author. They were about 10 seconds from the portal.

"Hey Genesis, do you want that engine?" shouted the author, summoning an engine in his hand. "Then here you go."

The author threw the engine at Genesis who caught it. This slowed him down enough for the author to jump through the portal and close it.

"_Well, we don't have all the mako in the world, but at least someone is happy." said the President, making a final speech on the matter. "Speaking of happy, where is Genesis?"_

_Everyone in the room looked around but nobody could find him._

"_Finally, I will get this wagon yo." said Reno believing this was the best plan he had ever thought of. He made sure he wasn't followed, and walked into the SOLDIER room and grabbed the wagon. There was a large clicking sound as all the doors of the room were locked._

"_What the hell yo!"_

_Genesis emerged from the corner walking slowly towards Reno._

"_Where do you think you're going?" said Genesis, hitting his sword against the palm of his hand._

"_No!"_

**I hope you enjoyed it. Be on the look out for a Halloween themed chapter this week, although, if I keep to my schedule as well as I have, it will be out in December. No further comments.**


	8. Chapter 8: Halloween Special

**Yes, this chapter is finally up, keeping to my schedule (which doesn't exist) as usual. Try to get a laugh out of it. That's why I put these things up, and don't forget to review. It might make them come up more often. (Hint!)**

Chapter 8: Halloween Special: Zack's usual Halloween.

It was a cold November 1st and all the residents of Sector 5 thought they had the worst night ever. How wrong they were. The doorbell rang, and when the man who lived there answered, he was shocked.

"Trick or Treat!" shouted our favourite young SOLDIER dressed up as a vampire.

"Sir, today is not Halloween" said the nameless man, wondering were he had put that shotgun.

"I know, but it's the only time I can get anything. On Halloween, there's so many children."

"Just go away.""Not until I get my treat!"

"No!" shouted the nameless man.

"I won't leave until you give me sweets."

The nameless man quickly ran into his house and came back a moment later with a bag full of sweets.

"There, now go!"

The nameless man pushed Zack out the door and locked it.

"Wait, I left that shotgun in the basement!"

Zack was rather pleased with himself. "This is the best day ever, I got more then last year!"

Meanwhile..

Angeal was busy relaxing in his room, which he shared with Sephiroth and Genesis. A knock on the door interrupted the silence.

"Sephiroth, get the door!" shouted Angeal.

"Ok! Genesis get the door!"

Genesis pushed down the button in his wagon as at moved slowly forward, turned left, moved forward and turned right. Genesis unlocked the door and Zack stood at the door.

"Trick or treat!"

"Get the hell out Fair!" shouted Sephiroth grabbing his Masamune.

"I'll leave if you give me the sweets!" shouted Zack, backing way for fear of being stabbed.

"Genesis, get the boy some sweets."

A minute later, Genesis came back with a full bag of sweets.

"Here you go Zack." said Sephiroth, smiling.

As he was walking out, Sephiroth heard Zack saying something along the lines of 'best year ever'.

"Wow Sephiroth, I didn't know you liked Zack." said Angeal.

"I don't, I hate the kid. But, if I can get rid of him for 100 gil, then I will. I wish I knew that back in Chapter 1."

Genesis agreed but Angeal didn't.

"I like the kid. He looks up to me as a hero."

"Oh give me a break Angeal." said Sephiroth "He would look up to anyone who could spell their own name properly!"

Angeal couldn't help but agree as they went back to what they were doing before the interruption.

Zack walked over to the Turk's zone of the building, which was easy to see. You know when you pass through the zones when you can rub your hand through the air with dust building up on it. He knocked on the door.

A gun poked through the door and a voice said "Nobody's here!"

"Trick or Treat!" shouted Zack.

"Don't worry Tseng, he's not here about what we did to Sephiroth's bed yo."

"I don't know, it sounds like a trap." said a more feminine voice.

Tseng decided that this was the perfect opportunity for a raise from the President.

Hello new SOLDIER." said Tseng, trying to be polite as possible. "Where you here because it's Halloween?"

"Hey yo, it ain't Hallow-"

The sound of someone being strangled cut out the other voices in the background. Tseng continued.

"Well, I know a great way to get all the sweets you want."

"You know" said Zack "My parents said something to me about strangers and sweets. Accept."

"Now Zack" said Tseng, rubbing his hands together in delight "All you have to do is 'steal' a weapon from the supply section and let us take it off you."

10 minutes later.

Zack stood outside the Shinra building with a 'firework launcher **(A Rocket Launcher that was 'altered' to fire fireworks.) **He waited outside for further instructions. The doors of the building bust open and Sephiroth, Genesis and Angeal came out.

"Hey guys, what are you doing!" shouted Zack, waving the 'firework launcher' in his hand.

"Zack, what the hell are you doing?" shouted Angeal.

"I was told to get a weapon and wait outside to get sweets."

"The Turks!" shouted the group of SOLDIERs in unison.

"Tseng must want another raise." said Sephiroth.

"I have an idea." said Genesis, who for once looked up from reading LOVELESS. "We can get Zack to fire near the window that Tseng drinks his coffee."

"Dammit Genesis you should think more often." said Sephiroth, finally getting revenge on the Turks. "I still haven't got over what they did to the water tank."

"Oh c'mon Sephiroth, they just put some ground-up chilli in the water tank." said Angeal. He turned to Zack to unleashed their master plan.

"Ok Zack, do you understand?" asked Angeal, expecting something bad to happen.

"Don't worry Angeal, I've been practising."

Angeal was wondering how Zack could practise this while Zack took aim with the 'firework launcher' and pulled the trigger. The firework shot straight through the air. Angeal blew a sigh relieve that nothing would get destroyed. Or would it?

"Good job we filled Floor 30 with the wine bottles" said President Shinra, rubbing his hands together, glad he finally found a way through this night.

"Now be a good sport and fetch me a glass."

"Yes sir." said the employee, who had just been hired today. He pressed the button for the lift to come up. There was a high, sharp sound in the air.

"Do you hear that Rob?" asked the President.

"No sir, and my name is Richard."

An enormous crash was heard downstairs which was followed quickly by an explosion. The firework had hit into to the wine and exploded, causing an enormous explosion.

"Zack, do you realise what the hell you have done!" shouted Angeal, expected a pay cut.

"Well, at least we got a good bang out of that one!" said Zack, rubbing the back of his head.

The charred remains of the President's chair and the President himself landed right next to the group of SOLDIERs.

"You four, outside the charred remains of my office, now."

**I hope you enjoyed that chapter. There will be another one when I get the motivation to put one up. Don't forget to comment and review.**


	9. Chapter 9: Tseng's plan unfolds

**Hello, and welcome to my fan fiction. I'm Dara O' Br… Sorry about that. Well, bad impressions aside, this is sort of a plot chapter more then a humorous one but I hope you get a laugh from it. Don't forget to review.**

Chapter 9: Tseng's plan unfolds.

The four SOLDIERs waited outside the charred remains of the President's office.

"What is keeping him!" shouted Sephiroth, worried he could miss his favourite soap opera.

An enormous mechanical sound was heard. President Shinra was slowly sliding over the floor in an enormous shoe. He slowly slid into the room and got into his chair. The SOLDIERs followed him in,

"Sorry I'm late men." said the President "I came by foot. So, do you know why I called you here?"

"To be honest sir." said Angeal "No."

"Well, it has to do with Zack's recent stunt with the rocket laun-"

"Eh, firework launcher." said Zack, interrupting the President.

"Well, it has to do with Zack's recent stunt with the firework launcher!" said the President, getting annoyed. "I suppose you know what we have to do."

The tension in the room rose. The President stood up and walked over to Zack. He placed his hands on Zack's shoulders and proudly said.

"Congratulations, you are now a SOLDIER 2nd Class."

The faces of the SOLDIERs in the room slowly changed. Zack was smiling , Angeal was proud and shocked, Sephiroth was enraged and Genesis wanted to leave to go back to his wagon and LOVELESS.

"What the hell!" shouted Sephiroth "This is the kid that blew up this building, twice!"

Angeal decided to intervene with the argument. "Be fair on him Sephiroth, the first time he destroyed the building was in the first chapter and you got him back in the second."

"Yes Sephiroth." said the President "Be fair on the boy."

"But sir! This has to be a sick mistake! There are a lot of other, sane SOLDIERs, that could be promoted!"

"Do you want to know why Zack is getting promoted?" asked Sephiroth.

"Sure.." Sephiroth calmly replied.

"You have heard about the Avalanche spies that are roaming around the Shinra building to try get information on us?"

"Yes sir, I heard of that but what more information can spies get on us? We own every bloody channel!"

"Do you know what the Shinra executives do in their rooms after work? Even I don't know that they do! Imagine if someone found out! Using that type of information, we could be overthrown in 25 minutes."

"I am well aware of that sir." said Sephiroth, realising that the President was a lot smarter then he thought.

"Because of that explosion, we were able to round up the spies in the chaos. Of course, when I say 'we'…"

The SOLDIERs in the room had no idea of who the President was talking about until Genesis stepped up to tell them.

"Was it the Turks?"

_Meanwhile._

_Tseng was sitting in his seat in the office. There was a small noise outside and he turned around. A small envelope was pressed through the door of his office. He walked over to it and opened it up._

_The rest of the Turks were resting in the lounge when Tseng burst through the door holding the envelope. All of the Turks looked over to him as he read out what it said._

"_From: President Shinra,_

_To: Tseng, Second-in-Command of the Turks._

_Thank you for informing me of the spies and capturing them. I couldn't think of the best way to reward you for saving Shinra so I'm giving you two bonuses. Firstly, all of you are getting 100,000 gil each. Secondly, all of the Turks are exempt from missions for an entire month but are still paid as usual. Thank you once again._

_President Shinra."_

"_Yo Tseng!" shouted Reno "This is the best plan you have ever came up with yo."_

"_Well Reno, we couldn't have done it without the help of that SOLDIER. What was his name again?"_

"_Zack, Zack Fair. The one who is afraid of Reno." said Cissnei._

"_And the best thing is, there are no downsides." said Tseng, forgetting that the entire building was burned down._

Meanwhile, back at the plot.

"Now Zack, time to go to the 'secret room' to get you a new uniform." said the President, as the group travelled in the lift, or rather, the charred remains of the lift.

"Here we are, the 'secret room'!" shouted the President.

"No offence sir" said Angeal "We all know that this is just the same closet that already appeared in the series."

Ignoring what Angeal pointed out, Zack shoot out of the lift and ran straight through the charred remains of the wall.

"Pick any uniform you want Zack, the citizens are paying for them." said the President, glad he owned most of the planet.

Zack pulled the hangers, searching for the uniform he wanted.

"Eh sir, there are no uniforms here." said Zack, nervously.

The President was shocked. He scanned the room until confirming there were no uniforms in the room. "That surprising, I'm sure there was at least one uniform left."

_The day before._

"_Well Mr Kusel, in light of your excellent contributions to SOLDIER and Shinra, we will promoted you to 2__nd__ Class."_

"_Thank you sir, but my name is Kunsel." said the new SOLDIER._

"_Here we are Kunel, the 'secret room'." said the knowledgeable SOLIDER 2__nd__. _

_The two walked into the room and looked around. There was only one uniform left so the knowledgeable SOLDIER picked it up and showed it to him._

"_Lucky you, there's one left." said the knowledgeable SOLDIER. Kunsel tried it on and it was a perfect fit. Kunsel was still a bit confused about the uniform._

"_Didn't these used to be red?" he asked._

_The other SOLDIER raised an eyebrow at this. "These uniforms haven't been red in 13 years."_

"Wait sir" said Angeal, who was lying on the ground "I found a uniform."

"Angeal, this is an old SOLDIER 1st uniform, its dark blue." said Sephiroth, trying not to fulfil his dream of taking over Shinra for himself.

**I just write about what these people are thinking as I go along. I don't know why, but I find them funny. ****J**

"Well Sephiroth, it will have to do." said the President. "Does it fit you Zack?"

"Yes sir, it's great. It's a lot better then that old one."

"Good, just make sure that you always keep the Shinra building safe." said the President , forgetting that only half the building was there, and even looked like it would break on a windy day. The President took out a small remote and pressed a button on it. The enormous shoe appeared behind him and he stepped on it.

"Sir, if you don't mind me asking, why are you using a shoe for transport?" asked Genesis, trying to appear in the fan fiction more then he has.

"It's obvious Genesis. The best exercise if apparently to go by foot everywhere you go. Now, if you excuse me, I have to get back to my son before he breaks his legs going down the stairs. Goodbye."

Sephiroth turned to everyone around him. Zack, the new SOLIDER 2nd Class. Genesis, the LOVELESS addict who has a wagon that can do more then most tanks. Angeal, the only person beside himself that was still sane in the entire building.

"I am surrounded by idiots." said Sephiroth, as he started to walk back to his room.

Angeal turned to Zack and simply said "I'd hate to be the next NPC that crosses his path." Angeal looked down the hallway, then looked back at Zack, who was on the ground with a Masamune through his stomach.

"Dammit!"

**The chapter is now over, but don't be sad. There will always be more chapters (until I get to chapter 15, then there will either no more chapters, or more chapters) I hope you got a laugh from that one. Now that my work is done, then I'll say goodbye for another 3 weeks (or less, depends on comments.)**


	10. Chapter 10: Ultra Super Secret Missiontm

**I'm back, after all this time. I'm not making any promises about schedules but hopefully, the break from writing these chapters will help me think of some great plots. I also want to say thanks to the people that, despite my long break from writing these fan-fictions, still favourite this. I don't want to delay you any longer, enjoy the story.**

Chapter 10: 1st Ultra Super Secret Mission. tm

The four SOLDIERs stood in front of Lazard with their arms at their sides, waiting for what was to be an important announcement.

"Gentlemen, I am sending you on a super secret mission." said Lazard, pacing the room.

"Is it an ultra super secret mission?" asked Zack, jumping up and down on the spot.

"No, don't be crazy Zack." Lazard replied. "You are all to go do Modeoheim and retrieve a secret package from one of my most trusted men. I want no unnecessary violence in this mission, the public are watching. I'm looking at you Sephiroth."

"What, I'm just sharpening my Masamune to, ehh…., make sandwiches."

"Well that's okay then." Lazard replied. "The helicopter is ready for your use. I hope you will succeed in this mission."

The SOLDIERs walk out of the room and took a lift to the top of the building. A large helicopter lay in wait for them at the top.

"Are you the SOLDIERs who are here for Mr Deusericus' mission?" asked the youth outside of the helicopter.

"Unfortunately, yes." replied Angeal. "Let's get a move on, the sooner we leave., the sooner we finish.

The journey took 3 hours to complete. Genesis was kept entertained by the computer now installed in his wagon. Sephiroth and Angeal on the other hand, did not have such a privilege. Instead, they spent the entire journey telling Zack that they in fact, had not arrived yet. Sephiroth had nearly killed the young driver many times. At long last they had arrived at their destination.

"I hope you gentlemen are prepared for the cold." said the youth sarcastically as he took off back to Shinra headquarters.

"Damn these sleeveless turtlenecks!" shouted Angeal.

"So, where do we go now?" asked Zack.

"I have an idea." said Genesis, his first line in this chapter "Let's ask the author."

"Genesis, you magnificent genius." said Sephiroth, finally getting over his long journey. "Hey author, where do we go?"

**Ehh….., north?**

The SOLDIERs were waling for an hour before they had reached any sign of civilization.

"Hey Angeal, why didn't the helicopter man leave us here in the first place?" asked Zack.

"Because Lazard is too cheap to buy the extra fuel needed."

_Meanwhile…_

_Lazard went into a local shop, looking around the shop as he slowly walked down the aisles. He stopped and looked at some wine bottles. _

"_I can't believe it's that time of the year again. Oh well. I'll have to get Rufus something for his birthday." He picked up two of the wine bottles to examine them closer._

"_Well, this one seems like an ordinary wine, only 1000 gil. This one however, is 100,000 gil." Lazard pondered which of the two to get his brother. _

"_I know! I'll get him the cheap one, he is so used to the fine stuff that he will appreciate this much more." Lazard smiled as he paid for the wine, knowing how much money he saved._

"Oh come now Angeal." said Zack "Lazard can't be that bad."

"You know, you're right Zack. He isn't that bad."

"Face reality Angeal." shouted Sephiroth "Lazard is so cheap he can't even pay attention."

"That was in bad taste Sephiroth." Angeal and Genesis both replied.

"Shut the hell up!"

"Now, where should we go now?" said Angeal exasperated, trying to ease the tension that had built up.

"I have an idea!" shouted Zack, trying to prove himself worth of his new rank.

"Zack." said Sephiroth, getting annoyed at the young SOLDIER and with anger from the previous joke "If it's like your idea of making that helicopter go faster by painting flames on the side, then I don't want to hear it."

"No, it's better than that." he replied "We go to the tallest building here, and see if we can find the person."

"Or we could use the tracker device in Genesis' wagon to locate him." said Angeal.

"What, and ruin the plot." Sephiroth replied.

The SOLDIERs walked to the building, except Genesis, who used his wagon to transport him everywhere these days. They walked inside and noticed how big the building was, at least 25 storeys tall.

"It's alright Angeal." said Zack "We can just use the lift to get to the top.

"Eh Zack..." said Angeal disheartened "The lift is out of order."

"You know Genesis, there should be room on that wagon for all of us. We can just fly up." said Sephiroth. "Where's Genesis?

"Top-floor." said Angeal.

"Dammit!"

After the long walk up the stairs, the SOLDIERs sat down in a couch which overlooked the city of Modeoheim.

"Angeal, shouldn't we make a map of this area for further reverence?" asked Zack, going for a 'bonus point' up the scale of SOLDIER.

"It's alright Zack, it's not like we'll ever do anything important here ever again."

They were suddenly approached by a thin man wearing a tuxedo. He was around 5'6 and also wore a cloak around his shoulders. He had a handlebar moustache and kept his hand behind his back. He stared menacingly at everyone in the building.

"Are you SOLDIER?" he asked.

"No" said Sephiroth sarcastically "We're cosplayers."

"I was ordered to give you a package but I don't think you will be able to bring this back to Lazard safely. If this package was captured by enemy spies, or worse, the Turks, SOLDIER would fall into turmoil. That is why I must test you to see if you are worthy."

The man made a weird gesture with his hand and parts of the wall began to slide open. 5 people jumped out and stood before the SOLDIERs. They were clad in all black and wore mask so that the only part of their face that could be seen was their eyes. They had daggers that were tied around their waists by a belt. Zack was eager to prove his skills, drew his sword from his back and ran towards the opponents.

"I call this move Chain-Slash!" he bellowed as he sliced the first opponent 5 times before placing his sword back.

"186 damage!" he shouted.

"Genesis?" asked Angeal "How much health do they have?"

After a quick use of Libra, Genesis replied calmly "5000."

"Zack, you're doing it wrong!" shouted Sephiroth "You have to use your bravery attacks to put them in a state of break. Once you do that, then you unleash a Hp attack to finish them."

"This isn't Dissidia Sephiroth!" shouted Angeal. "Zack, just let one of us defeat them for you."

Suddenly, Genesis stood up, put LOVELESS down, and strode towards the opponents. He held his rapier by his side as ancient runes began to glow on it.

"Oh no, I'm so scared." the thin man mockingly announced "The LOVELESS freak is going to fight my men!"

"What men?" asked Genesis. The man turned back to see his greatest warriors lying on the ground in a pool of blood. "Don't worry, they are not dead. The goddess has not descended from the sky yet."

"If I give you the parcel, can you take him away from me?" asked the man, backing away from the Genesis."

"Sure."

The SOLDIERs took the long journey home, with Zack asking "Are we there yet." for the entire journey. At one point he took a break to ask Angeal

"Why don't you wear something other than the SOLDIER uniform? Get something cool, like a tuxedo."

"I did that once Zack, and I'll never do it again" he replied back "Everyone called me Mr Bond for the rest of that day. I still don't get it."

The SOLDIERs walked back into Lazard's office where he sat, waiting for them in a large armchair.

"Did you get the package for me?" he asked.

"Well sir, it was not easy." Angeal replied "But we have it here."

"Excellent."

He took the parcel off of the SOLDIERs and placed it on the table.

"Sir" asked Sephiroth "What's in the parcel?"

"I suppose there is no harm in showing you now." He slowly took the wrapping off it as the SOLDIERs looked on eagerly, except Genesis. When it was revealed, they all shouted, not pleased in what they were sent to get.

"You just can't get ice-cream as good as Modeoheim brand Super Secret Ice-cream tm. You all can go now if you are finished here."

As the SOLDIERs walked out of the room, another SOLDIER 2nd Class ran is with a parcel.

"Sir, I'm back from the secret mission you sent me on."

"Good work Kunsel, the only thing better than ice-cream, it's a pie to put it on."

_Meanwhile…_

_Tseng was having his morning coffee while reading the Shinra newspaper. It had been a slow news week and there were no interesting stories in the newspaper. He was calmly reading it until a picture gained his interest. He looked at the top of the page to read the headline._

'_V.P Rufus Shinra poisoned on birthday from inferior wine.'_

_Tseng allowed himself a rare smile reading the story. As he read, he thought to himself "Lazard didn't buy the good wine."_

**I hope this was worth the wait. I hope you comment and review so I can make this fan fiction as good as it can be. If you have any question on this, please send me a message and I will respond as soon as possible. If you find any spelling mistakes, please tell me the chapter and I'll work to fix it up.  
**


	11. Chapter 11: Not a Filler Mission

**I know this chapter is long overdue, but procrastination really interrupts my plans. I hope you enjoy this chapter, even though it is shorter than most of the other ones.**

Chapter 11: Not a Filler Mission.

_7:00am Shinra Building._

Two weeks had passed since the previous mission. The SOLDIERs had not done anything eventful at all in this time. Today seem like just another day, until…

"Hey Sephiroth, Lazard wants to see you in his office. Something about a mission or something.."

"Thank you nameless NPC."

"I told you, my name is Kunsel!"

_7:30am Lazard's Office. _

"Ah, I see you have all arrived." Lazard said, relaxing in his chair with a lollipop in his mouth, reading from a piece of paper in his hands.

"I have an important mission to send you on."

"Sir." Sephiroth interrupted, "If this is anything like our last 'important' mission, I'm going to show you the sharp end of my Masamune."

"Of course not!" said Lazard nervously, putting the paper aside and taking a different one from the press underneath his desk.

"Your mission is to uh…. get materials for the Space Mission. That's right.."

"You were going to give us another filler mission sir?" asked Angeal.

"Nonsense, this mission is of the utmost importance. Shinra needs to land on the moon as soon as possible, that way, we can ruin it."

"Don't you mean 'run it', sir?" asked Sephiroth.

"No… I have arranged a meeting with an individual in Sector 0 of Midgar, but he is, not well liked by most people."

"Why is that?" asked Angeal.

"He is part of the Black Market. He performs all sorts of illicit activities and other cools things like that. You'll need to go directly, I recommend at night."

The SOLDIERs were ready to leave to room, but were stopped at the door by Lazard.

"Get the supplies cheap!"

Lazard had forgotten how important this mission was. The space project was extremely costly for Shinra and the last thing they needed were mistakes.

_8:00pm Sector 0_

"Well, here we are." exclaimed Angeal, looking for their contact.

It was a dark night, and the SOLDIERs were surrounded by giant buildings casting large shadows. There were many dark alleyways between buildings, which was a reason this area was so important for the Black Market.

"How are we going to find him?"

"I'm waiting for Genesis to pull something out of his wagon," Sephiroth replied. The group of SOLDIERs all turned to look at Genesis, who was relaxing in his wagon.

"I don't have anything to find people, that would be stupid," said Genesis, "I have more important things to find, like where the LOVELESS concerts are."

"Hey, you there, come over here."

The voice came from a small man wearing a trench coat and a hat, who was resting with his back against a streetlamp. He gestured towards a dark alley way nearby and the SOLDIERs reliantly followed him. The man turns around to make sure they were not followed before making conversation.

"Why do you need the services of the Black Market?"

"We need parts for a rocket!" Zack blurted out, in the uncivilized and unnecessary way that he had refined during his time at SOLDIER.

"You're not the police, are you?" the man said, as his eyes darted from SOLDIER to SOLDIER in an uncertain manner.

"No, we're just swordsmen who will kill for any price." Sephiroth replied, unable to remember the presence of a police force in Midgar.

"Ah….. You must be the ones that cheapskate talked about. We have what you are looking for, but we will only part with it for a price."

The SOLDIERs, lacking experience in bargaining and knowledge of the price of rocket parts, decided to volunteer each other for the role. In the end, Genesis reluctantly agreed to bargain.

_Meanwhile, at the Shinra rocket room._

_Tseng decided to check up on the space program. He encounter a medium-sized man wearing a navy blue jacket over a dark shirt, dark green trousers and had short blond hair. _

"_Cid, I have good news and bad news."_

"_What's the good news."_

_Tseng took a deep breath before continuing._

"_We are finally purchasing parts to finish the rocket."_

_Upon hearing this, Cid jumped with joy and almost dropped his cigarette. Tseng continued,_

"_The bad news is that SOLDIER are in charge of the operation."_

_Cid was shook by the words."I hope they do what is right."_

_Meanwhile, the main characters were bargaining._

"1 billion gil, two turnips and a pickle."

The small man stared at Genesis with small beady eyes, which were almost completely covered by his hat. He thought to himself before answering.

"No more than one turnip."

Genesis quickly responded,

"No less than four."

The small man was angered by the response. He racked his brain for a way to get as much money as possible. He placed his hands in the pockets in the trench coat and had a brilliant idea.

"I'll throw in a LOVELESS book!"

"I already have three of those." Genesis replied calmly.

"This one has a golden lining."

Genesis immediately became interested in this 'brilliant deal'.

"How much do you want!"

"An extra 5 billion gil?"

"Deal!"

_Meanwhile_

_Tseng received a call on his phone, which he promptly answered. His face turned pale as he slowly put down his phone._

"_Cid, the SOLDIERs were overcharged. It looks like there might be only one launch of the rocket."_

_Cid turned slowly towards Tseng, and swore so loud that President Shinra woke from his afternoon nap._

**Well, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. If you have any questions, send me a personal message. If there are any spelling errors or parts that don't make sense (Writing these things at night wasn't my best idea) message me and I'll take care of it.**


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